your thong is hanging out like whoa
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
