He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
