After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
