did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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