Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
