I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
