just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
