Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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