quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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