Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
