At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
