My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
