i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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