Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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