I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
