Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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