He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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