she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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