That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
