I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
