Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
