i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
