This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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