You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
