Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
