you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
