But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
