I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My liver just had a heart attack.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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