Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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