Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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