I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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