I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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