1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
