I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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