Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
