is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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