i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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