you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
