She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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