i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
