Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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