You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
