she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
