She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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