i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
