oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
