My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
