I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
