Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
