im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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