And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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