My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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