Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
