actually, I'm a sock model
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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