Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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