How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
