You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
