So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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