if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
